A Moment of Poignancy!

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This here is a moment of poignancy… as I stand at the threshold of a new life.  
Tonight is a sleepless night for me. As I toss and turn in my bed, thoughts flooding  me… tumbling about in my head, am trying to catch hold on some semblance of order in the chaos. So, here I am… trying to put the thoughts in writing.

The decision to leave Kuwait was made the year I came down to Kuwait. I never liked the place. As free as I have always been at least in my heart… this country chained my spirits. It was a constant struggle for me… me banging my head against the golden bars that held me caged.

I am pampered, beyond anything I could have imagined, by my folks with whom I am put up… a life that I could not expect even at home.  Back home, I would have to do little daily chores to prevent mom from thinking that I am completely useless. Here, I had no such restraints… I didn’t even have to do my own laundry! Breakfast would be ready before the princess in me opened her eyes… yes… everything was available even before I asked for it. A lovely apartment (I love large spaces… and this one has one of the biggest rooms ever)… the sweetest, nicest uncle and aunt who love me as their own daughter and a job that paid me enough money that I did not have to spend on anything else but me (or save for a future which I think is overrated). 
Yes… it is a dream life.

But, it all came at a price… something about the place made me feel lonely (past tense… it would soon be clear why).

Like they say, life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans… something happened that turned my life upside down.

Cupid struck! 
Since, cupid is a chubby little naked boy who doesn’t really think his actions through… I fell in love with my schoolmate of yore who is doing his doctoral research in the top management institute of India. Between his thesis and me… we had a lovely one year of online courtship with an occasional meet-up when I went down to India. I was like the little kid who has been given a wonderful toy, a toy which he never knew he wanted… but now that he has it he cannot let go… and losing it would break his heart. Kuwait and my work here kept me away from a happiness I never realized I didn't have. The second year of our courtship started a downhill slide… the physical distance destroying any chance for proper communication and slowly I (not we… 'coz he still holds steadfast) drifted apart. I don’t really know when I fell ‘out’ of love… but it was a heartbreaking time for the two of us. That’s something that the two of us can never forget.

I hated Kuwait even more for dashing my dreams and plunging me in to a lonely abyss with all the material comforts one could ever want… but a heart that was a complete void.

Then… I met Nawaab sahib.

Well, I didn’t actually meet him at that time… I already knew him before… it is just that I re-discovered him in a way.  It was again online on a forum for NRIs (you see a trend here… the online part… wait till you hear the rest), that we chanced upon each other.  We had chatted up each other on the forum before… and once, for some unknown reason I even shared an extremely personal moment of my life which I wished to forget with the Nawaab, and felt vindicated by the support he gave me that day. But, this time it was different… something stronger clicked… some gears locked in place and the wheels started turning really smoothly, liked a well-oiled machine. The guy drove me crazy (still does by the way and always will)… and I had to meet the face behind the mystery, the intrigue, the intellect… the man behind those words that held me enthralled every time I read them.

With prior experience of this ‘falling in love’ phenomenon… I already knew what was happening to me. And over our very first phone conversation – which went on for the better part of a lovely night – I told him as much. The conversation was the most fun I had ever had in a long time… and his voice… ooh la la… it is pure magic. We decided to meet up and the rest is history. 
No… Not really!

We met… and the story carried forward… somewhere in all this, I realized that I hadn't really let go of my past. Things between the Nawaab and me could have really gone sour because of that. But, for some reason it didn’t. Soon, the past stopped mattering to me and the present took a delicious hold over me. Life looked ready to bloom and there was always this smile on my face. And the best part… this country that I hated so much, took on a different color… the color of love… seen through a lover’s eyes.

But, all good things have to come to an end… and well, if you have to end up in the annals of historical lovers, you cannot be together with the person you love.

In true Romeo and Juliet / Laila and Majnu style (don’t get it wrong… no one is ‘really’ dying in this story)… I am packing my bags to leave the love of my life and go back to the city of my dreams.

I, once again, am  putting distance between me, love and my love and have decided to choose a single life over the happiness, trauma and the emotional roller coaster that are a couple’s forte!

Love, why do thee hate me so much? :I

Birthday Twenty12

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A sweet birthday... 
Mom's and Papa's visas got done...
Aunt made yummy payasam...
Some bitter-sweet telephonic conversations... old and beautiful memories re-ignited...
Hundreds of wishes from friends all over the world...
A short and impromptu, but, fun drive along the seaside with the Nawaab... And this gorgeous bouquet... pure white roses enveloped in lush jealous green... (the vase specially chosen by the Nawaab to match my room in Bombay!)
A perfect end to a perfect day! 


Thank you, everyone... for making my day memorable and special!

Moiré Magic!

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Who knew that something as mundane as moiré could be used to come up with something that would easily be the focal point of every coffee table conversation?

Here’s presenting MAGIC CARP-PET, a Red Dot winning design by John Leung for ClarkeHopkinsClarke Architects.

The concept is beautiful in its simplicity and the use of our visual perception. The rug on its own looks like any of the modern, nature meets abstract designs… a bit art-deco maybe…  with black koi/carp fish ( a bit distorted, to look abstract.)

But, combine it with the deceptively simple coffee table and the life’s breathed in to the distorted koi/carp fish. As you walk around the room / rug the combination of moiré induced illusion and the angle of your line of sight make the fish swim.

A video by the company shows how lovely the design is in its simplicity and how fascinating the concept.

I love it… and would absolutely love to have it in my living room. 

Electric, Beimaan Mausam!

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Aaj mausam bada beimaan hain...bada beimaan hain... aaj mausam

Aane waala... koi toofan hain... aaj mausam

Kya hua hain... hua kuch nahin hain

Baat kya hain pata kuch nahin hain...

Mujhse koi khataa ho gayi hain..

Iss mein meri khataa kuch nahin hain...

Khoobsurat hain tu rut jawan hain...

 

Aaj mausam bada beimaan hain...bada beimaan hain... aaj mausam

 

Kaali kaali ghata darr rahin hain

Thandi aahein hawa bhar rahin hain

Sabko kya kya ghumaan ho rahein hain

Har kali hum par shakh kar rahin hain

Phoolon ka dil bhi kuch badghumaan hain...

Aaj mausam bada beimaan hain...bada beimaan hain... aaj mausam

Aye mere yaar, aye husn waale...

Dil kiya maine tere hawaale

Teri marzi pe ab baat tehari...

Jeene de chaahe tu maar daale

Tere haathon mein ab meri jaan hain

Aaj mausam bada beimaan hain...bada beimaan hain... aaj mausam

*sigh*

The weather outside is so lovely… I could describe it if I try… but it would do no justice to its beauty.

Dark clouds lumbering about in the sky… guarding the sun… keeping a tab on its peeking. And when the sun manages to raise its sunny head… the desert is bathed with an ethereal glow and a soft warmth… and then the guards take their positions again. The sun in its misty veil looks a shy bride… surrounded by her hefty bouncer cloudy guards.  

There is a nip in the air… a slight chill… the promise of rain… the sense of an impending storm… again.

A thunderstorm is waiting in the wings… the rumble of a million heavy drums and the crackle of brilliant lightning waiting to arc across the sky… as soon as the sun sinks in the ocean.

Yesterday evening, the electric storm was breathtaking… a fierce show of sound and light.

The thunder shook my building tower and the lightning struck bright coloring everything in its path in electric blues and purples.

Unfortunately, there was thunder in my head… and blinding flashes too. My stupid headache did not allow me to stand in the balcony of my 19^th floor and feel the crackling air that makes one’s hair stand on end. The air all charged up… humid and chilly… the landscape, all misty and waiting for the downpour to quench a deep thirst… and the exquisite smell of damp earth. (This has to be bottled up and sold… I would buy it for sure.)

Fat drops of cold rain splashed on my window pane… leaving a trail of dust. Neither the headache nor the dusty rain could dampen my spirits.

I was held in enthrallment by the booming drums in the sky and the gorgeous lightning. As I tweeted and updated my status on FB, there were threads of fear running through my head about the storm… but it was soon overpowered by its wild awesomeness.

Even though I fell in to a delirious, fevered sleep... with the thunder beating against the walls of my head... I still had a great night.

And today when I woke up... the drums in my head had softened their beating and the air still smelt divine... 

The mausam is still beimaan! 

...

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What do two people do when they want to be together? My insignificant intelligence tells me that they would do all they can to be with each other.

That, to my under-developed logic, is what would be the simplest approach to the issue. They could weigh the pros and cons of the steps they take to be together and then decide. That’s as much complicated as this matter should get… in an ideal world.

But… this world is not ideal… here things do not follow a straight path… here the people involved deprive themselves of the laughter and smiles that should fill their life with and instead opt for pain and pining. Why would they want to do this? Because, the principles of their decisions are more important than what the heart wants. Because, to them a fear of something that might go wrong in the future… a distant possibility if ever there is one, is what is the biggest deciding factor!

What does one choose when one’s choice could end the happiness of the other person?

What does one opt for… a life time of yearning, of regret for not having tried or a hard decision even if it is a risk?

Or maybe one should just walk away… and force the heart to believe that what one had been protecting so fiercely was a mere mirage… not even a sand castle. It was just an illusion that the heart had set its heart on!

Walk away… but try and be careful and avoid stepping on those billion fragments of a shattered heart… a stupid heart that believed the magic it beheld.