Gloomy Sunday (on a Tuesday)

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Ah well... I did listen to the song on Sunday and meant to post it earlier... but just got caught up in some stuff.




Gloomy Sunday is a beautiful song... the lyrics are supposedly depressive. Depends on how one looks at it. But, this song has a past... a disturbing past. 
Originally, it was composed by Hungarian composer Rezső Seress. Lyrics were written by László Jávor, and in his version the song was retitled "Szomorú vasárnap" 
The song was first recorded in Hungarian by Pál Kalmár in 1935.

The translation of the original lyrics courtesy Wikipedia are...

"Szomorú Vasárnap száz fehér virággal,
Vártalak kedvesem templomi imával,
Álmokat kergető Vasárnap délelőtt,
Bánatom hintaja nélküled visszajött,
Azóta szomorú mindig a
Vasárnap Könny csak az italom kenyerem a bánat...
Szomorú Vasárnap.
Utolsó vasárnap kedvesem gyere el Pap is lesz,
koporsó, ravatal, gyászlepel Akkor is virág vár,
virág és - koporsó Virágos fák alatt utam az utolsó
Nyitva lesz szemem hogy még egyszer lássalak
Ne félj a szememtől holtan is áldalak..."

"On a sad Sunday with a hundred white flowers,
I awaited for you my dear with a church prayer,
That dream chasing Sunday morning,
The chariot of my sadness returned without you,
Ever since then, Sundays are always sad,
tears are my drink, bread is my sorrow... Sad Sunday.
It's the last Sunday dear, please come along,
There will even be priest, coffin, catafalque, hearse-cloth.
Even then flowers will be awaiting you,
Flowers and coffin under blossoming (flowering in Hungarian) trees my journey shall be the last,
My eyes will be open, so that I can see you one more time,
Don't be frightened from my eyes as I'm blessing you even in my death... Last Sunday."

The original translation though melancholic, is also a little weird. 
The disturbing part about the song is that it has become something of an urban legend... and is said to have driven many a listener to suicide. 
In my opinion, the veracity of these claims are arguable... even if the song could be connected to a few suicides it may not be proved it was directly responsible to instigate a person to commit the act... the fact may be that the person already in a suicidal mood would listen to songs that complement the mood and this might just as easily be one of the songs they listened to... just as easily as it could have been 'Don't Worry, Be happy'.

I listened to the English version of the song by Billie Holiday... the video which I have put up above... and the lyrics here...

Sunday is gloomy,
My hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadows
I live with are numberless
Little white flowers
Will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of
Sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought
Of ever returning you
Would they be angry
If I thought of joining you?

Gloomy Sunday

Gloomy is Sunday,
With shadows I spend it all
My heart and I
Have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles
And prayers that are said I know
Let them not weep
Let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream
For in death I'm caressin' you
With the last breath of my soul
I'll be blessin' you

Gloomy Sunday

Dreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep
In the deep of my heart, dear
Darling I hope
That my dream never haunted you
My heart is tellin' you
How much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday

Tu Shaayar Hai

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While browsing through my collection of Hindi songs, I came across the songs of the movie Saajan (1991). It was one of those films with a whole lot of songs in it… a musical in the Bollywood sense of the word. The movie wasn’t all that inspiring… in my opinion, the storyline was a little odd. This was my opinion when I had no clue about love as an emotion except for what I saw on the movie screen. And love according to the world of Hindi cinema was all song and dance in the first half and melodrama, tears and occasional dishoom-dishoom post interval.

Saajan was about a love triangle…*rolls eyes* where the leading lady falls in love with the poetry and philosophies attached to a name (a pen-name) and this name is attached to one of the leading men who is the handicapped, adopted brother of the other leading man. Of course, the other leading man falls in love with the lady and since she is into poetry and whatnot, our man enlists the poet brother to help him woo his lady love… all the while not realizing that his brother is in love with the same lady. Yeah... confusing!

The lady falls in love with the wrong brother believing him to be the poet she always admired… and then there is the element of sacrifice by the adopted poet who decides to hold his peace as gratitude to the family that gave him a home, love and a family name. After a few twists and bends, the lady realizes that the handicapped brother is the real poet and she had fallen for the wrong ’un. A lot of tears and hugs and word-exchanges later, it is the turn of the non-poet brother to play good Samaritan and sacrifice his love for his do-gooder adopted brother. In the end, the lady is united with her poet and his poetry.

Leading lady – Madhuri Dixit

Handicapped, adopted poet – Sanjay Dutt

Other brother – Salman Khan

When I saw the movie, I could not digest the fact that the lady had fallen in love with a name attached to the poetry. I remember the name quite well for various reasons… it was Sagar. Then when she falls in love with the wrong brother, I thought she had fallen for the persona he projected. Needless to say, in the end I was a bit confused about all that love that was being bounced around.

Well, whatever path the movie went it did have some nice songs (Music Director duo – Nadeem-Shravan with one of their best works). I liked most of the songs then and do too now. Some of the songs have nice lyrics too (by Sameer)

Coming back to why this post about a movie that released two decades back… it isn’t the movie… it is one of the songs (as suggested by the title of this post)

I hadn’t really paid heed to the lyrics much because every time I watched the song on TV, I would be mesmerized by Madhuri’s dancing skills. :D But when I did, I realized that some parts of it hit right home… and the very thing I had found odd in the movie has been true in my life.
Here was me being awed by the poetry and philosophy and the attitude behind a flamboyant alias … a name which had no face attached when I fell head-over-heels in love with it.

It’s a different matter that when we did meet up the feelings only deepened and the bonds just grew stronger. I am lucky there are no geometric figures ruining my love story! :D

The lyrics of the song… sung by Alka Yagnik

Tu shaayar hain... main teri shaayari
Tu aashiq hain... main teri aashiqui

Tujhe milne ko dil karta hain... o mere saajna

Tu shaayar hain... main teri shaayari

Tu aashiq hain... main teri aashiqui

Teri har nazm, tera har geet hai yaad mujhe
Jab tak saans chalegi na bhoolungi main toh tujhe

Tere bina jeena nahin khaake kasam kehti hoon

Maine bina dekhe, bina jaane tujhe dil de diya

Tu dhadkan hai... main teri zindagi

Tu shaayar hain... main teri shaayari
Tujhe milne ko dil karta hain... o mere saajna

Tu shaayar hain... main teri shaayari

Tu aashiq hain... main teri aashiqui

Apni betaabi ka main kaise tujhse izhaar karu
Kaise batlaau tujhe jaan-e-jaana kitna main pyar karu

Labh pe koi naam nahi tere siva mere saajan

Mere is dil pe tera hi nasha chha gaya

Tu deewana... main teri deewanigi

Tu shaayar hain... main teri shaayari
Tujhe milne ko dil karta hain... o mere saajna

Tu shaayar hain... main teri shaayari

Tu aashiq hain... main teri aashiqui

Ghamon Ne Gher Liya Hai Mujhe Toh Kya Gham Hai

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Sardar Anjum

 
Ghamon ne gher liya hai mujhe toh kya gham hai
Main muskuraa ke jiyuunga teri jiyuungi aapke khushi ke liye
Kabhi kabhi tu aap mujhe yaad kar toh leti hai lete ho
Sukuun itna sa kaafi hai zindagi ke liye

Ye vaqt jisne palat kar kabhi nahin dekha
Ye vaqt ab bhi muraadon ke phal laataa hai
Vo mod jisne humein ajnabi banaa daala
Us ek mod pe dil ab bhi gungunaata hai

Fizaayen rukti hain raahon par jin se hum guzre
Ghataayen aaj bhi jhuk kar salaam karti hain
Har ek shab ye sunaa hai falak se kuch pariyaan
Vafaa ka chaand humaare hi naam karti hain

Ye mat kaho ki muhabbat se kuch nahin paayaa
Ye mere geet mere zakhm-e-dil ki rulaai
Jinhen tarasti rahi anjuman ki rangeeni
Mujhe mili hai muqaddar se aisi tanhaai

Love You Too Much To Be Your Friend

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I stopped sending flowers to your apartment

You said you aren't home much anymore

I stopped dropping by without an appointment

Cause I'd hear laughter coming through your door.

Sometimes late at night you'll still call me

Just before you close your eyes to sleep

You make me vow to try and stop by sometime

Baby that's a promise I can't keep.

I love you too much to ever start liking you

So lets just let the story kinda end

I love you too much to ever start liking you

So don't expect me to be your friend.

I don't walk down through the village or other places

That we used to go to all the time

I'm trying to erase you from my memory

Cause thinking of you jumbles up my mind.

You always act so happy when I see you

You smile that way you take my hand and then

Introduce me to your latest lover

That's when I feel the walls start crashing in.

(Don't Expect Me To Be Your Friend - Lobo)

Aural Intoxication!

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Intoxicated by the voice... on a high ever since I first heard it over the phone...

There is depth and a poignance and then there is a hint of masti... a bit of impish humor and don't know about others but when the Nawaab Saheb speaks to me... there is love in his voice.

I could listen to his voice for hours... never get bored of it. That he never speaks anything but sensible, intelligent stuff is an added bonus. But, the fact is that had he been saying absoute gibberish... I would still be mesmerized... still be enthralled and still would be totally swayed.

Hum par toh inki aawaaz ka nasha chaaya hua hain...


Here's a piece from Sharaabi in his...ufff... breathtaking voice.

Electric, Beimaan Mausam!

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Aaj mausam bada beimaan hain...bada beimaan hain... aaj mausam

Aane waala... koi toofan hain... aaj mausam

Kya hua hain... hua kuch nahin hain

Baat kya hain pata kuch nahin hain...

Mujhse koi khataa ho gayi hain..

Iss mein meri khataa kuch nahin hain...

Khoobsurat hain tu rut jawan hain...

 

Aaj mausam bada beimaan hain...bada beimaan hain... aaj mausam

 

Kaali kaali ghata darr rahin hain

Thandi aahein hawa bhar rahin hain

Sabko kya kya ghumaan ho rahein hain

Har kali hum par shakh kar rahin hain

Phoolon ka dil bhi kuch badghumaan hain...

Aaj mausam bada beimaan hain...bada beimaan hain... aaj mausam

Aye mere yaar, aye husn waale...

Dil kiya maine tere hawaale

Teri marzi pe ab baat tehari...

Jeene de chaahe tu maar daale

Tere haathon mein ab meri jaan hain

Aaj mausam bada beimaan hain...bada beimaan hain... aaj mausam

*sigh*

The weather outside is so lovely… I could describe it if I try… but it would do no justice to its beauty.

Dark clouds lumbering about in the sky… guarding the sun… keeping a tab on its peeking. And when the sun manages to raise its sunny head… the desert is bathed with an ethereal glow and a soft warmth… and then the guards take their positions again. The sun in its misty veil looks a shy bride… surrounded by her hefty bouncer cloudy guards.  

There is a nip in the air… a slight chill… the promise of rain… the sense of an impending storm… again.

A thunderstorm is waiting in the wings… the rumble of a million heavy drums and the crackle of brilliant lightning waiting to arc across the sky… as soon as the sun sinks in the ocean.

Yesterday evening, the electric storm was breathtaking… a fierce show of sound and light.

The thunder shook my building tower and the lightning struck bright coloring everything in its path in electric blues and purples.

Unfortunately, there was thunder in my head… and blinding flashes too. My stupid headache did not allow me to stand in the balcony of my 19^th floor and feel the crackling air that makes one’s hair stand on end. The air all charged up… humid and chilly… the landscape, all misty and waiting for the downpour to quench a deep thirst… and the exquisite smell of damp earth. (This has to be bottled up and sold… I would buy it for sure.)

Fat drops of cold rain splashed on my window pane… leaving a trail of dust. Neither the headache nor the dusty rain could dampen my spirits.

I was held in enthrallment by the booming drums in the sky and the gorgeous lightning. As I tweeted and updated my status on FB, there were threads of fear running through my head about the storm… but it was soon overpowered by its wild awesomeness.

Even though I fell in to a delirious, fevered sleep... with the thunder beating against the walls of my head... I still had a great night.

And today when I woke up... the drums in my head had softened their beating and the air still smelt divine... 

The mausam is still beimaan! 

Sulking On A Saturday

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There are these days when you wake up with a song playing in your head… And today is Saturday… I should have been expecting a peppy party number. But, I am in Kuwait… and if you don’t work for one of those oil companies or the ministry, chances are you’d be waking up all groggy eyed and getting ready for work.

The thought of working on a day the rest of the world is enjoying sleeping in late, is a huge mood dampener. Now, combine that with waking up with a beautiful yet melancholic song in your head. Worse, it fits your situation to the T.

Haah! There’s your bummer!

Haunting as the song is, the voice of Kishore Kumar adds that emotional weight to the rendition. I can’t really remember the movie and the situation within it for the song. But, here is a situation… hmmm… no situation… I promised someone I would not let myself go. (By the way, jaan… get well soon!)

 
 

Mera jeevan kora kaagaz kora hi rah gaya…

Mera jeevan kora kaagaz kora hi rah gaya…

Jo likha tha aansuon ke sangh beh gaya…

Mera jeevan

Mera jeevan kora kaagaz kora hi rah gaya…

Ek hawa ka jhoka aaya,

Ek hawa ka jhoka aaya, toota dali se phool,

Toota dali se phool…

Na pavan ki na chaman ki.. kiski hain yeh bhool…

kiski hai yeh bhool…

Kho gayi… kho gayi khusbhoo hawa mein, kuch na reh gaya… 

Mera jeevan…

Mera jeevan kora kaagaz kora hi rah gaya…

Udte panchi ka tikhana,

Udte panchi ka tikhana… Mera na koi jahaan…

Mera na koi jahaan…

Na dagar hain, na khabar hain… jaana hain mujhko kahaan…

Jaana hain mujhko kahaan.

Bann ke sapna… bann ke sapna, humsafar ka saath reh gaya…  

Mera jeevan…

Mera jeevan kora kaagaz kora hi rah gaya…

...

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Sometimes songs and poetry have already been there where you are right now...

Samajh mein na aayaa, ke har ek khushi se,
yeh dil aaj bezaar kyun ho gayaa hain

Tere gham mein behte hue aansoon se,
na jaane humein pyaar kyun ho gayaa hain

Ke bhoole se bhi ab kabhi muskuraana
na dil chaahta hai, na hum chaahte hain

Tere pyar ko iss tarah se bhulaana
na dil chaahta hai, na hum chaahte hain

Jo such tha usse ek fasaana banaana
na dil chaahta hai, na hum chaahte hain



Aur Ho (My current 'lost in' track)

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With the combination of the lyrics and the music (a haunting tune) - though it does not sound very different from A. R. Rahman’s other tunes –it is quite a lovely song.

Loved Mohit Chauhan’s voice… His voice grows on you.

I haven’t seen the video… I imagine it would be sort of a background song in the movie…

But, I have my own song visualization in my head.

A desolate, cracked salt pan… craggy trees if any… fires of hell… black flowing shadows circling, creeping… disturbed flock of ravens… a disembodied voice singing…

Ok… I agree… I have a creepy imagination! :D

Aur Ho

(Rockstar)

Meri bebasi ka bayaan hai

bas chal raha na iss ghadi

Meri bebasi ka bayaan hai

bas chal raha na iss ghadi

Ras hasrat ka nichod doon

Kas baahon mein aa tod doon

Chaahoon kya jaanu naa

Chheen loon chhod doon

Iss lamhe kya kar jaaun

Iss lamhe kya kar jaaun..

Iss lamhe ko kar doon

jo mujhe chain mile aaraam mile

Aur ho.. Aur ho

Saans ka shor ho aanch bhi aur badhe

Aur ho.. Aur ho

Saans ka shor ho taap bhi aur chadhe

Aur ho.. Aur ho

Aur mile hum.. aur bhi jal jaaye

Tujhe pehli baar main milta hoon har dafaa

Meri bebasi ka bayaan hai

Tujhe chheen loon ya chhod doon

Maang loon yaa mod doon

Iss lamhe kya kar jaaun

Iss lamhe kya kar doon

Jo mujhe chain mile aaram mile

Aur ho.. Aur ho

Saans ka shor ho aanch bhi aur badhe

Aur ho.. Aur ho

Saans ka shor ho taap bhi aur chadhe

Aur ho.. Aur ho

Aur mile hum.. aur bhi jal jaaye

[chorus / alaap] 

Main hasrat mein ek uljhi dor hua

Suljha de...ho ho...

Main dastak hoon

Tu bandh kiwaado sa

Khul ja re... ho ho...

O bebasi mann mein basi

Jeete jeete jee le sapna

Aur ho.. Aur ho

Saans ka shor ho aanch bhi aur badhe

Aur ho.. Aur ho

Aur mile hum.. aur bhi jal jaaye

Ruke se naa ruke

Ye naa thake

Aandhi si jo chale inn saanso ki

Pata bhi naa chale kahaan pe kya jale

Hai darr se tann-mann ki siharan se

Hasrat ki sulgan se

Bhadke aur shola shola

Jale bujhe dhuaan dhuaan

O dhuaan dhuaan

Lage mujhe dhuaan dhuaan o

Meri bebasi ka bayaan hai

Meri bebasi ka bayaan hai

Meri bebasi ka bayaan hai

The Reason

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At times, we feel that our world has come to a standstill. There doesn’t seem to be a need to go on and life is a drag. We try to find a reason to blame our depression on… sometimes it is the place we are at, or the job we have, or it could even be the relationship we share with someone.

Mostly, it takes a long time to move on from that point… and at least one of the reasons we blame have to be addressed for us to gain some semblance of sanity.

But, in some rare cases, there comes in to our life a REASON to live… to start life afresh… to smile again, all depression forgotten.

This is for the reason of my joy!  :)

The Reason

-- Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person

There're many things I wish I didn't do...

But I continue learning...

I never meant to do those things to you,

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with every day

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you...

I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is YOU.