Sunday, November 27, 2011

How I Put The Fire Out...

Different people have different methods to control anger or to cheer up their selves… often these methods meet with varying levels of success.
I have a tough time coming up with methods to maintain good cheer…Because, I am either always angry or I am always chronically depressed. Since the past few years, these seem to be the only states of mind my brain can conjure up. (Note: These are barring the time I spend with Nawaab Saheb... that is always a roller-coaster of emotions... most of them of the positive kind.)
Now, coming back to anger management… my style… I write in a diary or a notebook… scribble (naah…scratch) my thoughts… some of them murderous, some fiery, most cannot be published anywhere… and after I am done scarring the notebook with my pencil (always a mechanical pencil… sharp and vicious), I tear the page(s) off the notebook and shred them in to tiny pieces, picturing the page to be the object of my ire.
Another thing I would like to do is slash around the room with a sharp object… but well, that is not happening! Aaah…someday…SOMEDAY!
Or… break glass… the shattering of glass is a soothing sound to nerves set afire by anger… but… yeah… that ain’t happening either!  :(
That’s how I deal with anger… now to deal with being upset or depressed.
I have realized that if I sit idle when I am depressed I could come up with so many suicidal thoughts that it would make a best-selling coffee-table book if I decide to publish them. To avoid becoming a millionaire via sadistic propaganda, I channelize my thoughts to a different sort of suicidal mission… financial hara-kiri! Yes, I go on a spending spree… an unnecessary spending spree where I buy expensive, unwanted stuff which I would never need. Now, a lot of people swear by retail therapy… but, in my case the irony is that I hate shopping… under normal circumstances (‘normal’ being a term loosely and relatively used in my context), I ABHOR shopping. The only stuff I can shop without wanting to murder someone in the process are electronic gadgets, shoes and bags. But… when I am upset… the shopping bag could contain anything from Swarovski crystal studded hair clips/barrettes (THESE when I ALWAYS leave my hair OPEN) to an iPod Touch (despite hating Apple Inc.). There is this weird and sadistic satisfaction when I see my account drain away a bit… and surprisingly, I do not regret the impulse buys ever. They remain around my room, at times unused, at times abused but all the time a memory of the purpose they served… to cheer me up.
And sometimes… all it takes is a hug… a big, warm bear hug that melts the anger and evaporates every depressive thought in my head.


  1. waise this shopping thingi does works is my logic too... exactly the same way tht it does to u... now though i hv a bttr release ~ SPILLING IT OVER ON A CANVAS :) :)

  2. Nice... look on the bright side... some people binge ( as in hog ) to overcome depression... atleast these things u don't need, can be given away as Gifts... until people actually start wishing you have more bouts of depression :P

  3. @Sanjay: Hmmm... giving the stuff away... that's a good idea... but then yes, that could result in more depression :D

  4. @Megs: Coupled with being angry or depressed I can be very lazy... and sometimes, like I remember, once... I destroyed one of my paintings when I got furious, a painting of Sohni (of Sohni-Mahiwal)... ripped it into tiny pieces... which Mom lovingly stuck back together. Now, it is a collage of Sohni! :D

  5. hilarious. will be following ur posts in the humor section.


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